I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
