You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Your tits are I can't wait for
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
