So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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