I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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