You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
