So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
