theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You were trust falling into bushes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
