just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
