His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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