I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just had sex bonerless
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
