WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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