Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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