Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
