Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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