Apparently you make a good broom.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
