what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
