im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
