You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
