and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
