so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize