1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
