what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
