Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
