if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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