Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
