i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
