everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
