Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
