she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My penis needs a shock collar
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
