Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
