If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
