It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
