I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
