The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
