i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
