i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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