You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
