she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
