garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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