your thong is hanging out like whoa
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
