She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
