I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
