I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
