My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
