throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
