Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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