Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
