just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
