What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
