im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
