i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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