38 yer olds are good kisserssss
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
