It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
